Dad brought me out to have iftar at the hotel next door. Food was all good! I had a taste of the seafood section; prawns, squids, dori fillet and mixed veggie made the perfect dish tonight. Different kind of cakes and fruits are available for desserts. Different type of drinks are served for the guests. There are other variety of food; Dad's favourites like the lamb, chicken, beef etc.
I ended quite early with my food. The adults were obviously chitchattering about the news, work and so on. So, while I was scanning the ballroom, my eyes fell on two lovely little girls and their father. He looked Chinese but with excellent Malay language.
As I looked at the three of them entertaining each other, it crossed my mind...
'Is that how Dad was with me and my sister when we were younger?'
Then it hit me; Dad has been away since I turned one year old. I have only seen him at least 3 times every months. But the number decreased as the years passed by; sometimes only once in three months. Compared to how the father I was talking about and Dad, did he play with me like the father did to his little girls? As far as I know, I believe I spent the least time with Dad than the rest of my brothers and sisters. I'd probably say I somewhat envy those girls for having such a father. I mean, I love my Dad. Endlessly. But my childhood felt empty in a way. I don't have a solid memory of me with Dad and that saddens me a little.
Then I saw something; the future...
'Is that how he will be like with my daughters, if I have any?'
He referring to Marc, the ex boyfriend. We did talk about marriage and having kids; baby boy, baby girl, twins, living together in South Korea or something like that. Looked so vivid to me when I saw the father and his little girls. Well, those were the days we thought that might happen. Might. At least the father looked happy and laughing around playing with his kids.
I noticed I smiled to myself wishing how lovely it would be.
Wish I could spin the globe and make the world a better place to stay.
I ended quite early with my food. The adults were obviously chitchattering about the news, work and so on. So, while I was scanning the ballroom, my eyes fell on two lovely little girls and their father. He looked Chinese but with excellent Malay language.
As I looked at the three of them entertaining each other, it crossed my mind...
'Is that how Dad was with me and my sister when we were younger?'
Then it hit me; Dad has been away since I turned one year old. I have only seen him at least 3 times every months. But the number decreased as the years passed by; sometimes only once in three months. Compared to how the father I was talking about and Dad, did he play with me like the father did to his little girls? As far as I know, I believe I spent the least time with Dad than the rest of my brothers and sisters. I'd probably say I somewhat envy those girls for having such a father. I mean, I love my Dad. Endlessly. But my childhood felt empty in a way. I don't have a solid memory of me with Dad and that saddens me a little.
Then I saw something; the future...
'Is that how he will be like with my daughters, if I have any?'
He referring to Marc, the ex boyfriend. We did talk about marriage and having kids; baby boy, baby girl, twins, living together in South Korea or something like that. Looked so vivid to me when I saw the father and his little girls. Well, those were the days we thought that might happen. Might. At least the father looked happy and laughing around playing with his kids.
I noticed I smiled to myself wishing how lovely it would be.
Wish I could spin the globe and make the world a better place to stay.
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