I had you first.

You can do whatever you want but just know we had our moments too.

The haze in JB is getting really bad. Oh my god. Even staying in with the sliding door opened, I'll be getting watery eyes and irritation.

On a different note, apparently today I have been feeling nauseous. After a meal, I would get all nauseated and vomited some undigested food. I tend to try not to vomit because it woulf hurt my esophagus. LOL!

Even drinking water would make me nauseous. Gawdddd what is this? :/

I'll be following Dad to hospital again next week. Guess I will need the scan a.s.a.p. Maybe all the headache, dizziness, vomiting and etc can be due to my sinus? Maybe. Cancer? But I'm not losing weight. Joint pain? Now that's a different story.

Anyways, hope you're doing good. *smooches*

PS: Don't forget to put your glass down. Hurhur.

PSS: I want to talk to you but I'm so shyyyy. LOL!
No, don't talk to me!!!! Hahaha!!!

Of lips- or neck- locks?

Hola.

It is my third day in JB. Only today did I manage to go to the hospital with Dad. I didn't get my sinuses check though. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. 

Anyways, just dropping by to make you confuse (but this is real) by saying ...

I miss you. As always! 

Hurhur.

PS: The day I met you will be the day I have you in my arms! Probably snogging or just necklock you until you struggle to breath. I'd prefer the former.

denying the denial

Almost a week being at home felt like heaven. Mom even said I became chubbier staying in. LOL!

I’ve decided to halt all activities until my joints are well. I wouldn’t want to risk injuring myself before my finals in 4 weeks! Yesterday, my brothers and I went to KLIA to send my first brother to Sarawak for a course. How lucky… Also, I had major migraine and my head became heavier on my left side. Mom told me to get a scan when I’m in JB which where I will be next week. Hope nothing’s wrong with my brain though. Well, I have been feeling like there’s a rush of blood going through my brain. Or head. Or whatever fluid that’s in my head. The last thing I want is a tumour of course. But having it would be cool too. I mean, I could get more ‘teaching’ in terms of medical side. HAHA! Or become a specimen for the doctors!

Anyways, I think you should focus more on your girlfriend, no? You should completely ignore me even when I wrote those i-wish-i-am-with-you-now that kind of thing. You should! I mean, who am I kidding right? You’ll never come back to me. I could never have you back. You would never love me the way you did before. And I will just be like this for the rest of my life. I could never learn to love again. Unless, it’s you. But I’ve lost it. I’ve lost you.

*sigh*

Just ignore me like everybody does. I deserve nothing in this life. People will just continue hating me. You will too. So, please… don’t make me want you more than I should. You have a girlfriend for heaven’s sake.

*Slapface* Wake up shnz. He has someone else.

PS: man of steel is really boring. Watched it alone. Hoping to see your face when the lights came on. But not a single shadow of yours ever appeared. 

Naega wae irreokhae? 

Babo choreom.

differences

For the first time ever, I felt so worse being a friend to such bunch of bitches. Be it a girl or a guy. Once they spoke ill of everyone else, one day you be one of the ‘everyone else’ too.

What Feli once said was so true. And it’s happening right in front of me. I guess they must have felt like they’re all high up , superior, know-it-all. People make mistakes. But they aren’t purposely made unless they really clear cut purposely did the mistakes.

I wish you were here. So I don’t have to face them every day, every second. What Emily said before was true. I guess I could only tolerate them until now. After this, I’m just gonna be as cold as ice. If I could be one. But unlike them, atleast I would still consider them as good friends.

But I guess it doesn’t go the other way round.

Anyways, I am most probably leaving for KL tomorrow. I wish I could drive alone home so I don’t need to have to bear with another creature in the car. Someone who would  double faced even in front of you. Someone you tolerated for being such an asshole. Not to say I am perfect, no I’m not. I will never be… but atleast you don’t do this to your friend. I guess, they have lived with it their whole life.

Seriously, such worse people I’ve been hanging out with. No wonder I’ve become bad. Like super bad. And I don’t think you will like the me now. I’ve never liked the me now; ever since I’m back in Malaysia. Having a break is definitely a good time to stay away from bad people. They give such bad vibes, it’s ruining your life really!

I hope you’re doing fine. 

And I hope you would still think about me at times, just like how I would…

all the time.

energy deprived

Hey, sorry I have been away for so long!

The week after my last post, I started going to Seberang Jaya for my bedside teaching. Drove there every morning even when there wasn’t any teaching. Semangat tak? LOL! But I wasn’t driving alone. I had a friend who would carpool with me. Even so, I wouldn’t mind driving alone. I get to enjoy songs that I appreciate. Apparently most people in my batch just couldn’t stand Korean/Japanese/Chinese/Thai songs. They would prefer English/Malay songs which I wasn’t very fond of- the Malay ones especially.

Recently, I have been spending more time with Simon and Jonathan. Went for lunch and dinner few times, went to watch them playing tennis or just plain hang out in the car if we came into college compound at the same time. Well, basically I’ve been sitting with them during lectures ever since. We’re like the crazy mentos-eater in our class. It started when I bough few mentos to snack on during classes and they got addicted to it too. Once, Jon bought two packets of Mentos just because he felt guilty for munching on mine for the past few months. And Simon would pay for the mentos if I was buying it with him. It’s fun to see them being all guilty. HAHAHA! But I seriously didn’t mind at all. Sharing is caring, no?

Oh, we have 10 case write-ups to be submitted by Wednesday this week. This was why I wasn’t able to blog about anything. It drained my whole energy and there was a time where I stayed up for atleast 22 hours straight. Without eating. And showering. I sat on the floor while finishing up my cases and when I’m done, I couldn’t even stand straight or walk properly. When I lied down on the floor, I could literally hear my backbones were cracking. But worth the effort I put in for my cases, I think! I hope there’s none need to resubmit.

Yesterday I was up early; had breakfast, watching Shinhwa and cried over their perfectness, cleaned up my room, vacuum the house, washed the bathroom. But by afternoon, I had bad migraine and couldn’t wake up for 3 hours straight. I missed lectures, important lectures! But I couldn’t even get up :( I am all better now, if you were wondering.

Oh oh! Just so you know, I could hear rhonchi on my left upper lung on auscultation! How cool is that? Well, I’m not sure how bad that is… but I’m guessing it probably due to my sinusitis or costochondritis or probably something new that I haven’t discovered yet. Apparently, I have leg swelling too. Bilaterally. On a different story, my knees are really getting bad. During Insanity, I could do jumpings or squats anymore. Then again, it’s Insanity- and it is insane.

My gym period has ended. So I’m gymless at the moment. That’s fine because I’ll be having my 5 weeks break starting this Saturday! Woohoo~ Most probably I will be down in JB for 1 months before heading back to Penang. It’s summer holiday for me yow! But I have loads to study- both my finals and my resits. Wish me luck!

Also, I’ve decided to quit Frisbee. I mean, I’m not good at it, I’m always so sick after, I would get neck spasms even while resting, the people I played with are all pros, and Chinese, and speaks hokkien, which I could understand few, but prefer not to speak in English, which I don’t really mind, but they would never throw the disc at me. Never did. Which I don’t mind too but it just made the whole point of me playing is useless. After my last session with them Ultimates, I never went to their practices. Partly because I’m busy and I had my Malaysian Studies exams and also because I feel uncomfortable playing with them. Well, my knees have gone bad too. So that should be enough for an excuse.

Recently, I’ve been bugged by nightmares. I would have it almost every night. Some might happened 2-3 times even after I woke up and fell asleep again. It was just so horrible. I would imagine hugging either you or Shin HyeSung(LOL!) to sleep. Sometimes, the nightmares would still bother me but most of the time they wouldn’t.

How are you? Coming back for your winter holidays? Or maybe travelling with your girlfriend? Well, it would be nice to travel with your love ones. LOL! I’m always so alone that I guess I’m getting used to it. Which may be a bad thing. LOL!

PS: will be driving down to KL on Saturday! Weehoo~ can’t wait to be home!

PSS: Shinhwa just had their 7^th winning for This Love!!!!! Congratulations Shinhwa Company. Still wish I could go to their 15^th anniversary concert! If only I don’t have exams and it wasn’t on fasting month. Wait, I wasn’t even sure when the concert is. Shall reconfirm again.

Something for you :)