Twenty-two on the twenty-second.

I started feeling unwell on Sunday night. So I went to bed early and woke up with terrible headache and flu. On Monday morning, when I checked my facebook and twitter, they’re flooded with warm birthday wishes which got me after… ‘Oh, it’s already my birthday!’

Despite being rather ill, those birthday wishes turned out making me laugh and giggle. Some remembered my favourite color, favourite actress, favourite things, and many more. Things I would never expect people to notice and they did. I could never be more thankful to God who gave me people that love me for who I am. *grins*

The weekend before, I went to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower and yes, I’ve finished the book!  It was a great movie but as always, the book is much better. Friends caught me laughing and smiling to myself everytime I’m reading the book. Haha! Did I mention Ezra Miller is such a cutie and Emma Watson is just so beautiful and Charlie is as amazing as the book says!

Anyways, I’m home resting and thus, typing this out. Doctor said it’s another virus that has been attacking me. As for right now, body immune is deteriorating and he asked me to stay home until I feel better. With that, it’s gym-free week then!

So they say this Friday will be our Eid Hajj. Wanna know something worse? I’ll be having my scrubbing session that morning. How great is that? Well, I might as well go to hospital when everyone isn’t. Hehe. That way, I don’t have to face people who I don’t wish to see. Yup, great plan!

Well, how have you been?

Have I been in your mind lately?

It’s okay.

It doesn’t matter anymore, does it?

.You’ve moved on and I’m still here with my heart shattered

 ^_________^      ~La la la la la

After all, it could be a dream.

Everyday, the reality hits in and sometimes it feels like it was all a dream. Just like how it happened in Queen In Hyun’s Man; a Korean drama I’m watching currently.

Maybe what happened last semester was just a long nice dream I had in maybe an hour sleep. Because when I woke up, things are different now. So different that I couldn’t make sense of what had happened before. I guess I must have been dreaming about him.

그래 그럼… 다 꿈이잖아…

아아아아아… 근데…

난 네가 보고싶었어…

The unsent.

Dear whoever that’s in my head right now,

I don’t know what’s going on and it somewhat kills me inside out. I’d rather have you say whatever that you wanted and get it done with because well, I’m not you and as for me, I cared. Time changes people I know and if it has changed you let me know. The least I could do is never to appear in front of you anymore. I’ll make things easier for sure. Protecting you is what I’m doing now even if you don’t want me to.

I wanted to give up on this thought but I wouldn’t want to give up on you just yet. Honestly, I’m scared. So very scared that I closed the door to my heart tight until you came with the key. Slowly, I’m opening up to you yet I’m still scared. I am a coward. I admit that. But I know I’m brave enough to face the future. Embrace it and accept it.

Incidentally, I’m giving more time for you. And when you’re ready, run up to me. Run towards the end of the tunnel and I’ll be waiting there with a smile. No matter what the ending’s gonna be, I’ll wait for the truth; even if it’s bitter to swallow. I’ll wait.

Waiting with my shadow,

Savannah.

finally calamity.

Good morning all.

It’s Monday and I feel happier Alhamdulillah! Last weekend was so terrible emotionally that I couldn’t be myself. At times like this, food is your very best friend seriously. However, I’m starting gym again today which I so look forward to and “just keep running, just keep running” will be the mantra of the day.

It’s 4A.M here in Dublin and I planned to study but I happened to sit infront of the laptop so I thought I might just blog for a bit. Might just make this a routine kind of thing. Might.

Girl friends are planning to go to Cardiff for a birthday celebration. The thing is… how do I decline such invitation? Urgh, I am soooo bad at saying “No, I don’t think I can go” Instead I’ll just say, “Okay, yea sure” all the time!!! Maybe just have to get it out straight or I might ruin everyone’s weekend which I have never intended to. This is tough. Really.

Okay, put that aside, I’m gonna get back to my notes and study just like how everyone else studies but I’m not that hardcore. Though I wish I could be like Charlie (from the Perks) and read everyday but I’m not him and I will never be him. And that’s just so sad. Not being him I mean.

Okay, done wasting your precious time. 

Sorry.

Might just be my last night.

Almost everyday I’ve been haunted by nightmares. Just that I don’t really tell anyone about them. The one that scares me the most was a dream where there was this old man who told me that if I shut my eyes, the percentage of me waking up is fifty percent. If you don’t get what I just typed out, it means if I shut my eyes and when I wake up its either I see darkness or something bright like the sun, which then means that I’m alive.

The next thing I know, I woke up crying. Heavily. I couldn’t imagine waking up and not seeing the sun anymore. Not seeing anybody anymore. I couldn’t imagine being dead even; especially in your sleep. I wonder what will be my last thought before I fall asleep. Who do I think off before I doze off? Who will actually want to see me the next day? Who will I want to see the next day?

So here I am, typing this before I go to sleep. Before I shut my eyes. Before I ever wake up the next morning. Before everything ends. Before I could say ‘I have fallen for you’. Before God takes me away from Earth.

*tear drops*

Autumn in my heart.

Ohaiyou Gozaimasu! Or, Good Morning!

Second day of class and my first day in the gym! All is well and apparently coughing while running didn’t occur that much. Not as much as I sat down and studying. It’s pretty annoying the fact that in order not to disturb others, I had to like stop myself from coughing or cough slowly and quietly which only worsen after.

Anyways, feeling slightly off even after running which shouldn’t happen this way. I’d normally feel better but I supposed the adrenaline rush isn’t working. Yet. 

I have no idea why or how or even what makes me feel like this. Probably it’s the M-syndrome. Honestly, being a lady is as difficult as it is being a man. In every way there is.

Well, I was supposed to type about something completely different. Guess it wasn’t meant for me to tell the world about it- involves everyone. So don’t worry. Yes, you’re included because you’re a human with feelings; complicated ones.

Btw, internet hasn’t got in my new house and it’s unattractively pissing me off.

Will post up more soon. Counting my days to leave this horrible place at last. For good! Insha Allah.

Les Trois Mousquetaires- well, without the muskets.

The reason I spent my summer in Europe was because I had to reseat my papers. They’re a huge chunk of info needed to reread all over again and imagine the stress level. Apparently, I don’t work so well when I’m compromised. Honestly, I remembered going off for a holiday in Egypt for two weeks before my end-term examination and I scored well!

And so during my reseats, I watched tens of movies and Korean dramas (since they are my favourite anyways). Little that I know, I was attacked with anaphylaxis; allergy reaction, rashes, conjunctivitis and since I’ve been having it- sinusitis. One of my nightmare to have this attack a day before my first paper. Thought of letting it go and just bear the fact that I will repeat year instead. Lucky thing my sister was with me and she morally supported me to go ahead with the exams. And I did.

It was pretty stressful with me having all sorts of illness and having to revise and exam pressure add on with friends bugging me to find a house and sister being rather annoying also having to decide the schedule for our summer trip; man, I don’t know how I went through that seriously. All is well now.

A day after my last paper, Nadie and I went down to London and met up with my brother there. The first 4 days were spent going around London and sunbathing in Hyde Park. Sister went back to the hospital where she was born at and yeah, around that was the time I had a minor quarrel with my brother. Since I’m the ‘good girl’ and he wanted to go to Manchester badly, I booked a train and off we go and see the red devils! The only annoying thing is I didn’t get to buy a single thing; not even a shirt! Grrr!

After heading back to London, I stayed up at night to pack our things like food and more food to Paris and Amsterdam. We took a train to Paris and arrived at the hotel around midnight. Luck wasn’t in our way when the hotel didn’t let us check in. So we had to wait at the lobby for about 11 hours before we could get our room and I have no idea who wanted us to travel at night. Anyways, I’ve  gotten ill out of nowhere but managed to wonder around the Musee de Louvre, the Opera House and more buildings. Oh have I mentioned? We came across a pair of French twins- tall and oh so good looking!

The following day, head up to Disneyland and then Eiffel Tower. The day after we went to other places and again, Eiffel Tower and the last day before we leave for Amsterdam, we spend the whole day at Eiffel Tower taking madness amount of pictures with crazy stupid stunts and poses.

In Amsterdam, we got on the Hop On Hop Off bus tour and the river cruise. More pictures and more crazy stupid stunts. And more jokes were told throughout the journey. By the way, the doner kebabs are awesome though I think Germany’s are better.

Once back in London, both my sister and brother decided to drag me to Ikea and I was thinking the whole time why the heck am I here when I can be at home sleeping after the long travelling? *sigh*

The next day, we took a coach up to Cambridge and experienced punting. Thanks to our punting guide, Tim who told us remarkable stories about the universities and we counted the bridges together! Haha!

Last but not least, we head back to Dublin by ferry. A big ferry! But I had motion sickness so I ended up at the deck all alone looking down to the waves smashing the body of the ship accompanied by strong sea breeze and ended up shaking and shivering.

 It was pretty much an amazing trip and the only transportation that we haven’t got on is the helicopter.

And so, I’m stuck in my room reminiscing those up and down moments with my sister and brother. It is definitely one of the best!

PS: By the way, I passed all my papers! 6 months to go before I come back for good!

October!

First day of October. First day of semester. First day of Autumn. Now, who's gonna be the first to make me happy? Or rather... annoyed? Haha!

Anyways, I'm off to hospital soon. It's too much work to keep track of the bus time to catch them otherwise I'll simply walk in leisure without worrying about lectures. Now that's not good but oh well.

Housemate's getting ready to leave. Yes, this early! Gonna leave after I have my breakfast and warm water with honey in it! Should really relieve the cough seriously!

Till here then.
How are you by the way?