Silence

The more I want to be alone the more I wish I have someone next to me. 

The semester is about to come to its end and in few days time I'll be home with my family. So many things needed to be done; meeting up with new friends, watching movies, shopping etc.

I wonder how you were doing. I was that close to text you but I'm scared I might be another burden. 

아. 몰라요. 

Birthday month!

So last tuesday was my birthday.

The previous weekend, I had replacement class for Public Health and spent the rest of the day amending tables/research results. Finished the whole thing in 5hours solid. Then I thought I would wanna go straight to bed but Syamim ajak to have coffee at Coffee Beans nearby Gurney. Then coincidently we bumped into 4 colleagues who were also lepaking but in Starbucks. Then since I haven't been socialising that much we decided to stay for a bit-until 1am actually. LOL

Then on Sunday there was a Breast Cancer Awareness Campaign and I participated in the Walkathon. It was pretty fun and the weather wasn't scorching hot. I zumba-ed and took pictures with the surgeons and in the end had blisters all over my heels. 

Monday came by so fast! Now I'm in a new rotation-Medicine but the departments I'm in are Nephrology, Infectious Disease/Rheumatology/Gastroenterologyand Neurology. The other big three departments will be during my final year. 

Tuesday, D-day I turned 23! The night before I slept super early so I wasn't aware of who actually wished me. In the morning I went to the Nephro ward and clerked one patient before going for my eye appoinment. Waited for atleast an hour before I could get my number and another half an hour before the doctor called my name. The IOP is still quite high but has reduced since last month. Previously was 25 and today was 18. The normal pressure would be below 10 if I'm not mistaken. The doctor checked my angle glaucoma but I didn't get to aswhether it's a closed or open angle glaucoma. She asked me to continue taking the eyedrops and come in on April next year to check if my visual field is reducing. 

In the evening, I stayed in the ward and just read the case reports. I didn't get to see Dr Fred anywhere. 😞 For dinner, we went to Sushi Tei! 

There was a new trainee and he's cute! 

On Friday I went to see my Ortho doctor and she told me it might be a meniscus problem. I aske her if I might be having connective tissue disease (look up on it if you want to know further!) and she asked me what other symptoms do I have. I told her about my glaucoma, sinusitis, my throbbing headache and also my joints problem. She ordered blood investigations but I can't do them yet because I'm heading off to Taiping next week. 

Well, I am heading there now as I'm typing this post. 

PS: why didn't I get any wish from you? Who said 'let's be friends!' 😌

One busy week.

Last week practically drained my energy to the max.

After hospital everyday with extra programmes in between, I was busy finishing off my slides and portfolio. Also there's another essay I should write and I haven't yet :(

The whole week last week I didn't get to see Dr 'Fred' but I was in the same lift as Dr Aff. And I know for sure he looked at me twice. LOL! Anyways, I'll be going to the physio again today. Seems like my knees and thighs aren't getting any better. Maybe I'll stop going to physio and just do Insanity at home. My Pengajian Islam class will end this week and next week I'll be having my finals. WeeHoo~

Last Saturday I went for a hike organized by PMC's Photo Soc. A total of 30 med students went. Basically all are from my year. I supposed they noticed me being very quiet so some of them tried making small talks with me which I find it very thoughtful of them. But to be honest, I was actually quite surprised that I was really really quiet. Also, when we arrived at the Taman Negara then only I noticed that I didn't bring my inhaler with me and I forgot to wear my knee guard. I was in a rush (as I woke up late) to send Leslie to the bus station. But all was well :) I didn't get that breathless but they can tell I breathed heavily.

While I was catching up with the front group (I was often get left in the middle alone as the front group was too fast and the back group was too slow) I encountered a few outsiders along the way. While I passed by them, one guy kind of jeering me for wearing jeans for hiking and calling me 'weird'. As it was raining heavily I didn't pay much attention to it (also, he was saying it in a different slang) until the words finally registered in my head. When I stopped and the outsiders walked pass me I just gave him a sharp stare and scolded back in Korean(second nature to do that =/ ). One of my male colleague was also wearing jeans and he too got pissed when he knew about it. Well, that's one bad situation I came across.

But there were also good/funny situations- One high school student wanted to help me send me back to the base camp. LOL! And another Indian school boy eagerly helped me climb down the hill. It was so funny but I just laughed to myself as I was always left alone. When I told the stories to my friend, he was like maybe because I looked like a high school student- being all small and cute. LOL!


After the hiking, the people I carpooled with went to Gurney for Seoul Garden and I ate ALOT! I had mostly lamb and that somehow made me feel dizzy and having headache. I was knackered and slept pretty early that night.




Anyways, I should go get ready for hospital. Gotta remind myself that I have physio appointment today and also an essay to write. Plus, I'll be having my assessment by the end of the week.


Nadie's birthday is coming soon! I want to be home but then I remembered that my friends are coming over :(


PS: Me during the hike!

I need to lose more fat. I've been lacking in exercise thanks to my knees.
Also my English is getting horrible! I need to read more books!
*Because when I speak, people tend to label me :( *

PSS:

sisters weekend.

Yups, Nazreen and Nadirah were in Penang last weekend! Salahuddin, my nephew, was here too. OMG, he's soooo naughty and kept scolding me! Believe it!


They stayed over at Feringghi but I didn't spend the night there. Wouldn't wanna get sicker being around Salahuddin. Plus, I'm still coughing and having flu. So, basically I was their driver for the weekend.











Anyways, I need to go and do my slides for presentation tomorrow.
Write soon!















PS: Dr Affendi and I were in the same lift. And he looked at me twice! He-he. But didn't see Fred anywhere :(

PSS:

Finally...

The fever resolved on its own. The only problem that's bugging me now is the coughing and my forever flu. Worry not, I've been a good girl and took my medication on time!


Did I mention about a Medical Officer in Orthopaedics Department? Let's call him Fred. Yeah, so yesterday I saw him at our college's compound. Apparently there was a conference going on and that explained why the parking lot was full. I just came back from lunch and since I wasn't well, I asked my guy friend to drive my car to college. When I saw him standing with friends I began to laugh and being all happy and actually forgotten that I was sick. LOL!  Well, me being me, I didn't dare to look at him. Shy la konon. HA HA!


And again today- I thought I was late for bedside teaching so I rushed through the hospital's multistorey parking lot and had to go all the way up to fifth floor till I finally got myself a space to park. Since I need to take my morning medication, I'd normally drive to hospital first then take my meds in the car before heading to the wards. To my surprise I saw Fred walked infront of my car and he turned his head towards my car. For once, I hated my blurry vision because I can't see him if he was actually looking at my car (or me) or elsewhere :(

That somehow cheered me up a little. I thought I'll start my day badly but it didn't.

Also, I was actually pissed at some of my groupmates. They are so kiasu I hate it! We were supposed to do our Assessment on Ophthalmoscopy by the end of this week. Luckily, I had mine just now and got myself a stamp for doing the assessment well :)

Another good day for me.



Right now, I'm feeling so much better than before. Phlegm is still yellow  though :(
I've cleaned up my room, folded my laundry, changed my bedsheets, showered and ready to do some slides for next week's presentation. Too many things to do tonight.

Oh it is also Hermione Granger's birthday today!!! :D

  THE BRIGHTEST WITCH OF HER AGE!

PS: Fred looked like Seo In Guk alot! He's tall and has chinese features :))) So I'm listening to his latest song on repeat.

hachooooohhh!

there we go again.
this is the only problem whenever i'm back in JB.
i've been sneezing the whole day and ended up being all sick :(


should be leaving for KL tomorrow morning and then off to Penang; Nadie might be following me.
She's most likely to return to Cairo mid-October.

i have my portfolio to finish :( and i haven't done much about it :(

okay, write more when i'm back in Penang.

PS: I miss ChanYeol :(

more writing to do...

and then I'll be in KL!!!! :D

Sarah's driving down to KL so I'll be following her. I think Farzad will too.

Also, I'll be meeting Dad this weekend!!!!! I am actually quite excited about seeing him. And probably because Salahuddin is following as well.

If Salahuddin giving problem while driving, most likely I'll take over the wheel and drive to Johor.









Oh btw, please stop loving me...
I know I'll love you forever but you have to stop loving me, okay?
Promise?





















PS: been having a good day so far. but right now i'm craving for sushi. LOL!

It's okay. I guess I'll just have to eat him :p My baby ChanYeol ~~~~~~~~ <3 br="">

make a long weekend short...

I COULD HAVE GONE DOWN TO KL TO SEE EXO LIVE!


But I didn't and that saddened me alot!
I really wanna meet ChanYeol and give him a present. I wish I did. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I was brave enough to diss my friends for him. I wish... I wish...


Lord ain't giving me what I want. I deserve the great weekend after my terrible OSCE.
*sigh*

Pabo Shanaz. Pabo chincha.
:(((



























PS: Chanyeol, ah~ saranghaeyo! ^_^

A long long day...

Yups! It was.

In the morning, we had our teaching and it's based on cardiothoracic surgery. Since I was with Dad for at least a month during my break before, I could basically answered most of the questions asked by the surgeon to a point where he had to shut me up. LOL!

Then in the afternoon, we had our end of rotation OSCE and I supposed I did pretty bad. Grrrr~ Not enough exposure :( I'll probably gonna continue clerking at the surgery ward and practice presenting my cases to the MOs/Specialists. I must!

After OSCE, there was a replacement lecture and the whole lot of surgery students got scolded for doing the osce badly. I really wanted to cry :( I wish I did better just now :(


Anyways, Sarah's friend came over. We both picked her up from the airport and went to Kapitan for dinner.



As I was typing this... my eyelids are getting heavier. Syamim's having a bit of makan-makan tomorrow and I'll be helping her preparing etc.
I had my portion of EXO's songs so I'm all ready for a good night sleep :)






















PS: ChanYeol, I love you. Tiger, I miss you. Life, I super hate you. ^_^

turning into a nerd who is not so nerd.

Heyyy,

I'll be having my surgical and ortho OSCE this Friday.
It has been a rather bad week. well, not that bad but I feel like I wanna be home this weekend :(




Anyways, gonna be pretty hectic preparing and revising.
Write more later!

Need a break.

I had totally lost it today. I have no passion in continuing this whole medical life. Why must I stuck in a rather bad group who selfishly think of themselves only. Yeah, scholars attitude-that's what they all have. I can't fcuking tolerate such personalities. I know they want to be the forever kiasu people but yeah... Fine.


I wish them the best.



Thinks I need to get involve with other type of people. I miss my frisbee gang where they don't judge you for being you. But with my condition- and my other leg is hurting now- I'll probably stuck with the same people again and again.


Or is it me? I guess it must be my personality then. Well, people normally talk bad about me anyways. 휴~









왜 이렇게 처럼? :-( 너무 힘들었어요...

medical student problem

Heyyyy,

Sorry was away for a long long time! Over a week wasn't it?
Last week was probably one of the busiest week I ever had. There's a special week where every member of a group has to sign in the logbook by 0745 and sign out at 1230. So basically I have to wake up early in the morning but since I've been staying up late to finish of my tutorials and case reports, waking up early isn't something to look forward to.

We were to send in 5 case reports by the week. To my surprise, I was overly hardworking- clerked two patients a day for 3 days! (which I would have never done previously, mainly due to my laziness ofcourse)

A female patient that I've clerked really love to see me in the morning as I was following up with her since the beginning. Such honour :) But she has just been discharged today :( And I didn't get to say goodbye cause I was observing procedures at that time. Oh well, hope she recovers fast and well!

Oh, the 5 case reports I handed them already. And for the first time I did them beforehand, not last minute work! Yayyers!



Oh, one new thing you should know about me. I consulted my Ortho surgeon and told her about my knees and stuff- she diagnosed me with myalgia. (On a different note, I met two Medical Officers that I have my eyes on! One is Chinese looking but Muslim and another has a Chinese surname and Chinese looking too. But... Oh well. )

So last Monday I was scheduled for physiotherapy and there's muscle wasting on my left thigh. Did some exercises but my knee joint is still so painful even today. My next appointment will be on Friday.





Anyways, last weekend I was home in KL. Went to Farah's open house. The day before I thought about how we used to arrange what color to wear to her open house. LOL! But I was there only for a while since I need to rush back to Penang. I couldn't stay long and plus the friends that I know aren't that much.


Anyways, I'll try and update more but since I'm in my Surgery rotation, my weeks can go pretty hectic. Next week we'll be having our assessment! Oh Lord, so much to do!


Wish me luck!



PS: I dedicate a song for you- Anywhere but here by Safetysuit. It meant nothing really. It's just a song I love to hear and I thought I wanted to share with you. Only.

A short getaway.

Guess where I am while I typed this out?

I'm in Taiping!!!!

Well, it is not technically a getaway; we were posted here for our surgical rotation for 5 days. Since I had my resits, I could only managed two days of teaching. It was supposed to be three days but I missed on Wednesday because of my laziness- woke up late, got lost somewhere before arriving in Taiping, tired and just plain lazy. HAHAHA!

Anyways, today is the last day and I have always wanted to visit the Zoo Taiping! And I get to see tigersssss~ Rawrrrr~ Obviously I am looking forward to other animals like elephants, snakes etc. I shall see if I could handle the spiders; since well, I claimed that I am allergic to them. *scratch eyes*

Oh oh, did I mention EXO's coming to Malaysia for MTV World Stage this year? I hope I could see them in person, especially ChanYeol my only baby wolf!!!! ㅋㅋㅋ I am sooo into him and his deep voice and his eyes and his long back and his elf-like ears and his cheesy smile and his child-like behaviour and his talent in rapping, playing guitar and beatboxing and his cheekiness, oh my God I can go on forever to be honest. Feels like I'm in love with him! :p But... He's 2 years younger than me. Oh well, call me a cougar!

During my resits, I had his name written in Korean on each question paper! LOL! A girl could only dream big to actually meet her beloved man.

Okay, I'm leaving for hospital soon and then maybe if we aren't tired might just go to the zoo and then only head back to Penang.

See you again in Penang then! Love you much!

It was Raya day.

Hey,
How have you been doing? Anyways, it was Eidul Fitri yesterday. Spend the whole day helping in the kitchen and visiting relative's houses. Pretty much knackered that I went to sleep early.

I'm back in KL this afternoon because sister and brothers are working and I have to prepare going back to Penang soon; might be driving up alone on Sunday or Monday. My exam repeat paper is on next Tuesday. Pray for me!!! How are things over at your side? 





Here's a picture of me and Ikmal during our Raya day.

PS: no chance to meet you I suppose... Hope you're doing alright. :)

break a leg

heyyyyy

im back in KL. have been busy. even now. thought i should drop by and say heyyyyy. LOL!





take care you.

Need a break.

Hello!

Sorry I haven't been blogging much recently.
Last week was the beginning of my surgery rotation but we were posted in the Orthopaedics Department. It was pretty hectic.
Anyways, starting tomorrow I'll be driving to Seberang Jaya for Ortho and Surgery rotation. And Raya break next week!



Come up to Penang this week! Then I'll be driving down to KL so you can follow me back. LOL! Holiday starting on the 3rd- for a week! My repeat paper will be the week after... So many things to do in between! :S









































PS: I hope you're doing well.

one hell of a week!

Hello!

It's exams week this week. My last paper is tomorrow. Well, not really last paper but I'll be having my surgery long case! So so so nervous and unprepared! Surgery plus ortho together and you can get any patient within those two fields! Ortho part is what I'm more unprepared for- the special tests and reasonings. When people asked me did I want surgery instead of medicine long case? I was like... I didn't want any of them! LOL!

Forth year first sem is like hell on earth! I don't know if I could survive this... I hope I could though.









Will write more after tomorrow. Or weekend. Or next week. Or....

























PS: I am head over heels for EXO Chanyeol!!!!!!!! Gonna master their choreography of Wolf!

Beginning of a new month

July 9th.
6 years ago, there was a butterfly farm built out of love. The butterflies roamed around making both of us happy people for almost 4 years. I which I could breed them again. Even if it means to do it with someone else.


July 9th.
This year, a new month has just began. Month of mercy, forgiveness and freedom. A month where I have always loved, missed and wish it could be longer.



It's not the same anymore. You're not here. I'm not there.




















PS: Welcome back to Malaysia! You missed the whole haze period! Lucky thing. Or, are you not back yet?

Back to where I belong.

Hey Ho!

I'm back in Penang already~~~
Just arrived yesterday with Mom because Dad wouldn't let me drive alone- since I've been having cruciating headache lately. My sinus scan came out normal but I still have no idea where this headache came from. Rest assured that it is not cancer- but I haven't done any investigation to rule it out. Probably later on...

Anyways, look at today's date-07/07/13.
July 7th, about 6 years ago. Do you still remember standing in the middle of your school's field at night while everyone else were busy enjoying the bonfire night? And you held my hands asking to go out with you? HAHAHAHA! I could laugh now at that memory. Nah, I'm not sad thinking about it. I was never sad thinking about you. Actually, I caught myself smiling whenever you came into mind. Being with you was the best thing so far :)

And two days later, we were official! Always surprising me with roses. And now you did that with her- so sweet of you! No, no sarcasm tone. Cross my heart! I swear!



My final exams is next week AND my new sem starts together too. We'll be having exams in the morning and classes in the evening. WHAT IS THIS?! Plus, Ramadhan month is coming soon and Goddd, I'll be exhausted by then. Also, my repeat paper might be during Raya week. That just ruin everything really. Rawrrr~


Oh, I need to go and shower. Will update again soon.
You take care yeah!



PS: I wanna go to Tambun. With you?


















Nah, just kidding.
You take care alright! Love you always!












As a friend. Probably a bit more. But can't be too much. LOL!

I had you first.

You can do whatever you want but just know we had our moments too.

The haze in JB is getting really bad. Oh my god. Even staying in with the sliding door opened, I'll be getting watery eyes and irritation.

On a different note, apparently today I have been feeling nauseous. After a meal, I would get all nauseated and vomited some undigested food. I tend to try not to vomit because it woulf hurt my esophagus. LOL!

Even drinking water would make me nauseous. Gawdddd what is this? :/

I'll be following Dad to hospital again next week. Guess I will need the scan a.s.a.p. Maybe all the headache, dizziness, vomiting and etc can be due to my sinus? Maybe. Cancer? But I'm not losing weight. Joint pain? Now that's a different story.

Anyways, hope you're doing good. *smooches*

PS: Don't forget to put your glass down. Hurhur.

PSS: I want to talk to you but I'm so shyyyy. LOL!
No, don't talk to me!!!! Hahaha!!!

Of lips- or neck- locks?

Hola.

It is my third day in JB. Only today did I manage to go to the hospital with Dad. I didn't get my sinuses check though. Maybe tomorrow, maybe next week. 

Anyways, just dropping by to make you confuse (but this is real) by saying ...

I miss you. As always! 

Hurhur.

PS: The day I met you will be the day I have you in my arms! Probably snogging or just necklock you until you struggle to breath. I'd prefer the former.

denying the denial

Almost a week being at home felt like heaven. Mom even said I became chubbier staying in. LOL!

I’ve decided to halt all activities until my joints are well. I wouldn’t want to risk injuring myself before my finals in 4 weeks! Yesterday, my brothers and I went to KLIA to send my first brother to Sarawak for a course. How lucky… Also, I had major migraine and my head became heavier on my left side. Mom told me to get a scan when I’m in JB which where I will be next week. Hope nothing’s wrong with my brain though. Well, I have been feeling like there’s a rush of blood going through my brain. Or head. Or whatever fluid that’s in my head. The last thing I want is a tumour of course. But having it would be cool too. I mean, I could get more ‘teaching’ in terms of medical side. HAHA! Or become a specimen for the doctors!

Anyways, I think you should focus more on your girlfriend, no? You should completely ignore me even when I wrote those i-wish-i-am-with-you-now that kind of thing. You should! I mean, who am I kidding right? You’ll never come back to me. I could never have you back. You would never love me the way you did before. And I will just be like this for the rest of my life. I could never learn to love again. Unless, it’s you. But I’ve lost it. I’ve lost you.

*sigh*

Just ignore me like everybody does. I deserve nothing in this life. People will just continue hating me. You will too. So, please… don’t make me want you more than I should. You have a girlfriend for heaven’s sake.

*Slapface* Wake up shnz. He has someone else.

PS: man of steel is really boring. Watched it alone. Hoping to see your face when the lights came on. But not a single shadow of yours ever appeared. 

Naega wae irreokhae? 

Babo choreom.

differences

For the first time ever, I felt so worse being a friend to such bunch of bitches. Be it a girl or a guy. Once they spoke ill of everyone else, one day you be one of the ‘everyone else’ too.

What Feli once said was so true. And it’s happening right in front of me. I guess they must have felt like they’re all high up , superior, know-it-all. People make mistakes. But they aren’t purposely made unless they really clear cut purposely did the mistakes.

I wish you were here. So I don’t have to face them every day, every second. What Emily said before was true. I guess I could only tolerate them until now. After this, I’m just gonna be as cold as ice. If I could be one. But unlike them, atleast I would still consider them as good friends.

But I guess it doesn’t go the other way round.

Anyways, I am most probably leaving for KL tomorrow. I wish I could drive alone home so I don’t need to have to bear with another creature in the car. Someone who would  double faced even in front of you. Someone you tolerated for being such an asshole. Not to say I am perfect, no I’m not. I will never be… but atleast you don’t do this to your friend. I guess, they have lived with it their whole life.

Seriously, such worse people I’ve been hanging out with. No wonder I’ve become bad. Like super bad. And I don’t think you will like the me now. I’ve never liked the me now; ever since I’m back in Malaysia. Having a break is definitely a good time to stay away from bad people. They give such bad vibes, it’s ruining your life really!

I hope you’re doing fine. 

And I hope you would still think about me at times, just like how I would…

all the time.

energy deprived

Hey, sorry I have been away for so long!

The week after my last post, I started going to Seberang Jaya for my bedside teaching. Drove there every morning even when there wasn’t any teaching. Semangat tak? LOL! But I wasn’t driving alone. I had a friend who would carpool with me. Even so, I wouldn’t mind driving alone. I get to enjoy songs that I appreciate. Apparently most people in my batch just couldn’t stand Korean/Japanese/Chinese/Thai songs. They would prefer English/Malay songs which I wasn’t very fond of- the Malay ones especially.

Recently, I have been spending more time with Simon and Jonathan. Went for lunch and dinner few times, went to watch them playing tennis or just plain hang out in the car if we came into college compound at the same time. Well, basically I’ve been sitting with them during lectures ever since. We’re like the crazy mentos-eater in our class. It started when I bough few mentos to snack on during classes and they got addicted to it too. Once, Jon bought two packets of Mentos just because he felt guilty for munching on mine for the past few months. And Simon would pay for the mentos if I was buying it with him. It’s fun to see them being all guilty. HAHAHA! But I seriously didn’t mind at all. Sharing is caring, no?

Oh, we have 10 case write-ups to be submitted by Wednesday this week. This was why I wasn’t able to blog about anything. It drained my whole energy and there was a time where I stayed up for atleast 22 hours straight. Without eating. And showering. I sat on the floor while finishing up my cases and when I’m done, I couldn’t even stand straight or walk properly. When I lied down on the floor, I could literally hear my backbones were cracking. But worth the effort I put in for my cases, I think! I hope there’s none need to resubmit.

Yesterday I was up early; had breakfast, watching Shinhwa and cried over their perfectness, cleaned up my room, vacuum the house, washed the bathroom. But by afternoon, I had bad migraine and couldn’t wake up for 3 hours straight. I missed lectures, important lectures! But I couldn’t even get up :( I am all better now, if you were wondering.

Oh oh! Just so you know, I could hear rhonchi on my left upper lung on auscultation! How cool is that? Well, I’m not sure how bad that is… but I’m guessing it probably due to my sinusitis or costochondritis or probably something new that I haven’t discovered yet. Apparently, I have leg swelling too. Bilaterally. On a different story, my knees are really getting bad. During Insanity, I could do jumpings or squats anymore. Then again, it’s Insanity- and it is insane.

My gym period has ended. So I’m gymless at the moment. That’s fine because I’ll be having my 5 weeks break starting this Saturday! Woohoo~ Most probably I will be down in JB for 1 months before heading back to Penang. It’s summer holiday for me yow! But I have loads to study- both my finals and my resits. Wish me luck!

Also, I’ve decided to quit Frisbee. I mean, I’m not good at it, I’m always so sick after, I would get neck spasms even while resting, the people I played with are all pros, and Chinese, and speaks hokkien, which I could understand few, but prefer not to speak in English, which I don’t really mind, but they would never throw the disc at me. Never did. Which I don’t mind too but it just made the whole point of me playing is useless. After my last session with them Ultimates, I never went to their practices. Partly because I’m busy and I had my Malaysian Studies exams and also because I feel uncomfortable playing with them. Well, my knees have gone bad too. So that should be enough for an excuse.

Recently, I’ve been bugged by nightmares. I would have it almost every night. Some might happened 2-3 times even after I woke up and fell asleep again. It was just so horrible. I would imagine hugging either you or Shin HyeSung(LOL!) to sleep. Sometimes, the nightmares would still bother me but most of the time they wouldn’t.

How are you? Coming back for your winter holidays? Or maybe travelling with your girlfriend? Well, it would be nice to travel with your love ones. LOL! I’m always so alone that I guess I’m getting used to it. Which may be a bad thing. LOL!

PS: will be driving down to KL on Saturday! Weehoo~ can’t wait to be home!

PSS: Shinhwa just had their 7^th winning for This Love!!!!! Congratulations Shinhwa Company. Still wish I could go to their 15^th anniversary concert! If only I don’t have exams and it wasn’t on fasting month. Wait, I wasn’t even sure when the concert is. Shall reconfirm again.

Something for you :)

cuteness overload!

So where do I begin?

Ah, the Sunday I played Frisbee and made friends with new people. 

The following Friday I went to watch Star Trek and met the Chinese boy I talked about in my previous post. He was working at the ticket counter but he couldn’t recognise me until I said ‘HI’. Well, at least he got my name right. By the way, Star Trek was awesome oh my gosh! I wish I was watching the movies with you though.

Oh oh oh! Shinhwa made a great comeback! Have you seen the new MV? I’m drooling over Shin HyeSung. HAHA! He’s so charming and tall and loves singing and so cute and so matured and okay, I wish I’m married to him! LOL! I hope you’re jealous. No, really… I really hope you get jealous. Hehe…

Gym session was alright. Managed to talk to this cute Chinese instructor and asking about kickboxing and stuff like that. He taught the body combat class every Thursday. This week gonna be my last week in the gym before the membership expires. I'm having calf pain at the moment. So, stopping frisbee for a while and also gym. Maybe just this week and then just do Insanity at home.

How are you? Hope you’re doing good wherever you are!

Bogosippeossuh. Jal sara juseyo! :)

dropping by.

Hello!
I guess I have been away for quite a while, no? Been rather busy lately. Will tell you more about it later tonight. Having malaysian studies exams later in the evening.


Toodles~

never fails to surprise me!

Happy Mother’s Day to my mommy and your mommy and her mpommy! :D
Did I tell you about Shinhwa’s cancelling their appearance in Asia Super Star Showcase thingy?(not even sure if I get the name of the event right)
Was soooo happy when I found out they’re not coming otherwise I’ll be crying my eyes out!

Wasted my Sunday morning watching anime- Special A. I would recommend that anime. Pretty cute! Then went over to Straits Quay to watch Sarah dance- they were having this short performance. Right after I head to the gym. Did a bit of running and then head home until I saw Frisbee’s on that evening. By 5.30pm I reached at Padang Polo and met Jon. He’s the only person I know from before. The rest are all new faces. Managed to score the first game!!! Shazaaammm!! (like how the Irish would call me. oh, I miss Dublin!)

Im practically beated by now and beginning my new rotation tomorrow! Weehooo!

PS: There’s this young Chinese boy who seems quite cute. And he added me first on FB. LOL! Score! Hahahahha!

PSS: No, not making you jealous. I bet he has a girlfriend. As pretty as your girlfriend :)

You put a smile on my face.

I wanted to post this up before midnight but I was finishing my essay which supposed to submit tomorrow morning. Anyway, tomorrow is my last day in Family Medicine! Super excited about the end of this which means I can go back to the hospital and be at the wards. I miss being in the hospital. Gawddd, it’s gonna be all awkward again.

Did I mention that I drove alone all the way to Penang. It was okay actually. Started at 10am and reached my apartment at about 2.30pm. Most of my friends were pretty shocked to hear I drove up alone. Oh well. And oh, Shinhwa’s appearance on ASS is cancelled! I am partially happy about the news which means I don’t have to cry buckets on Sunday night and cursing the organizer for making the concert on Sunday night. If it was on Saturday night I would have gone back to KL and drive back the next day. LOL!

They’re having THE CLASSIC GRAND TOUR in the next few months!!!! OMGGG~ super excited about their comeback!!!!!! :D *attentively learning Korean*

How are you by the way? Do you still remember the day you asked me out on this very date? LOL. Such bittersweet memories.

You know what’s funny today (or yesterday because it’s 1.30 am now) we had a tutorial on testicular torsion. The surgeon was asking me to describe a swollen testes and position- left is lower than the right- and you came to mind. hahahahaha!!! I think we had a conversation about this before, hadn’t we? I miss how it was to randomly talk about something sooo stupid but sounded just fine when you’re im talking to. Just like right now. Well, I don’t know if you actually read my posts. I don’t expect you to because… you don’t have time for me. Or rather, you have her. (that’s my mantra everytime im putting up a post)

Remember about the surgeon I mentioned in my previous posts? Everyone seems to be talking about him and making me jealous by telling how often they saw him in the wards. And now it’s getting boring. I am not having any minor or huge crush on him anymore. There’s no charm in him anymore. Grrr.

NO, im sick of having crushes. Because I ended up getting hurt. I guess I do fear of getting hurt. Im not even opening my heart to anyone. Not in the next couple of years. Unless, one of Shinhwa members come and propose me~~~ *flailing*

“Stop dreaming Shanaz!” LOL!

Anyhow, happy 9^th! Stay happy stay healthy.

PS: I do miss you. Always. 

Trouble Trouble

I noticed that I became stress easily lately. I guess things just didn’t go the way it supposed to. And that always always happened to me.

Anyways, another week left before the end of Family Medicine. Next up is Medicine! I can’t wait to get back into the hospital. I feel so clueless whenever I’m not there. Plus, I haven’t seen this surgeon (huge crush on him!) for weeks! So many things to finish; video assessment next Thursday and Geriatric presentation the day after, which I haven’t gone to visit the patient. Gahhhh! Oh yes, another essay to finish. Not forgetting the case write ups I have for Surgery. Goddammit!

I am soooo looking forward to this weekend; I’ll be home! And I’ll be driving my car up to Penang. Most probably alone. Or with mom. But I’ll have my car! (though it is quite scary to drive in Penang to be honest) I drove here before and it was fine. It was really. It was. Three years ago. LOL!

Need to get new sports attire, contact lenses, new handbag, new wedges and new clothes. My boxes shipped from Dublin are arriving tomorrow (Weee~) so maybe I should put on hold some of the things I wanted.

PS: If its fine with you, can I still rant on my everyday life to you? Will you still listen? I wish you would because… then I wouldn’t feel so lonely. Unless you didn’t want to, then it’s fine. I’ll just… you know, keep to myself.

PSS: But then it wouldn’t be fair for her… No, no. No ranting, NO! *smiles*

Give it a try.

It's Sunday and I spent my afternoon until late evening sleeping. Flu bugs are bugging me these past few days; probably due to the patients I've seen for the past week. I was supposed to go to the hospital yesterday and today but had to cancel it to avoid flu spread.

Anyways, a good friend of mine brought me out for breakfast somewhere in Pengkalan Weld. Love the place so much (because I have been craving to go to nice cafes and just hang out!). They actually had few roads closed just to allow the cyclists to cycle around the area which looked like so much fun to me!

I want to bring you there some time. But... Okay, you can bring her along. :)

PS: 우연처럼 널 만나기 위해 백가지 이유를 만들어. (just practicing my typing in Korean)

kinda odd dont you think so. LOL!

The existence of people on this world has lost its purpose. People are no longer living for the Creator but made themselves as the ‘Creator’ to their desires. I know I am no where being highly religious but at least my consciousness made me realise life is nothing but a stopover. The final destination is the eternal life. Yes, I do believe in life after death which is the final of the final; between heaven and hell.

No doubt even I as a Muslim I am never far from making mistakes and terrible sins. Some I have stopped doing it but some I kept repeating even after knowing it was wrong. Human will never be angels and could never pretend to be angels. Forever repentance and forgiveness is what I seek in the Al-Mighty.

(To be honest, I actually wanted to rant about how some people just cannot keep their hygiene intact. So troublesome to live with. GAHHH!)

So in a way to not say anything bad… let’s just stop here.

a quick one,

It is the end of the second week of the second rotation! The whole week I was at Perak Road Health Clinic, I managed to draw blood from about 10 patients which are a lot for someone like me. My hands would still shake while injecting the needle and holding the syringe but I’m getting there so that’s alright. My partner and I would only spend at least 1 hour in the clinic and then we’re free to go. So normally I’d be in the college’s building and complete my tutorials before attending for lectures.

Did I tell you about this doctor who actually remembered my name? It’s pretty impressive really because doctors don’t normally give a shit about medical students’ names. They wouldn’t be able to remember them all to be honest. But he did and that’s really really cool.

Anyways, I just got back from Ferringhi and am super sleepy at the moment.

PS: I mentioned your name quite frequent today. No idea why…  The strawberry farm at Genting; do you happen to still remember that?

this was on monday.

First day of family medicine- everything was alright so far until someone told me I’ll be with the troublemaker of my group for technically 4 weeks. Well, initially I wanted to take it as a challenge but somehow it doesn’t help because neither of us has a car to go about during the 4 weeks rotation. *Oh, Thank God for that!*

Anyways, someone came for a visit and because of that my day was okay. *smiles* If only I could ask him to come back and I’m sure things will be way way way better. If only. But NO...! She’s gonna be all broken hearted and sad. I should just leave them be. I should learn to walk away. I know I should learn to accept people; open my heart to people who actually sincerely care about me but I have always had this thought … that one day, one fine day he will come back to me in the end. I guess I was wrong. He’s never coming back.

Why then would he still come by? Do you miss me?

I know I do. Every second, every day.

Oh! Let me tell you something that happened in the car coming back from lunch today. My friends and I were in the car talking about where we would continue working after graduating. A friend said she might want to go to Japan and I said I wanted to be in Korea. It definitely gonna be tough whatnot with the language barrier and different culture. Suddenly a girl from my group asked

“Shanaz, which one of your parents is a Korean?”

I burst out laughing like a mad seal. LOL! Apparently someone told her that one of my parents is a Korean. Honestly, how odd can that be??? She told me she’s been looking for the Korean features in me but couldn’t figure it out in the end. Such a good joke seriously. Well, just so you know neither one is a Korean. (Though I wish they are in some ways)

WOW. Some people would actually go to that extend to think such things. That’s very surprising. I wonder what other thoughts people have about me.

I took that as a compliment of course! Which means I need to brush up my Korean. And Japanese. And Mandarin as well as Hokkien. So many things to do in such a short time.

I’m pretty excited for this year though maybe nothing interesting will happen. At least let’s anticipate something worth remembering. Sayonara!

PS: I heard Shinhwa’s coming to Malaysia in May!!!!!!! Probably just rumours.

april 4th.

like two butterflies flying.

like two birds chirping.

like two cats purring.

like two became one.

three years already?

Today marks the end of third week of Surgery rotation. I have another week to go with 20 case write-ups to compile into a portfolio. Tutorials needed to be rewritten nicely in an organized order. Weekend. This weekend is all I have to finish the 3 weeks load of work. How lazy I’ve became ey?

I just arrived home from the airport accompanying a friend to pick up her fiancé who flew all the way from Canada to Penang. Such a sweet chap. Well, he actually applied to do his research in PGH. So it’s kind of a convenient to be near his beloved.

That brought me to a memory I had three years ago. The moment he showed up at the college was just beyond my imagination. I remembered how odd I was at that time. I was trembling and all mushy in the inside, thanks to the farms of butterflies. His face, his touch, his smile, and his scent- I remember them all. But unfortunately, those were memories of the past where now he is no longer to be seen anywhere around me.  

I guess I am really still caught up in the past. I would still be looking forward to the 9^th even though on the day itself I would forget entirely, which I’d normally do. Haha! I know this isn’t fair for either of us. He’s way happier with her than he was with me. I could feel that.  I know I should finally let him go but there’s something inside me that wants to hold on to him no matter what.

Friends have been asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. First, it’s religiously wrong. Second, I lost him because I’m so stupid. Third, no other guys could treat me the way he did. Forth, the boys I’ve met are all babies. Fifth, I hate commitment-knowing all these boys just want to have someone in their lives or lonely. 

Or just desperate.

A guy confessed to me before and I politely refused to accept the confession. Don’t be deceived by my appearance- I have a really bad personality to be honest. I just get weirder the more you know about me. Pretty? I’m not even in the list! So, what’s there to be with me?

Oh goshhhh. I should be writing my case write-ups but it’s getting late and I need to be at the hospital at 9am. Well, the earliest I have to be in the ward was 6.30am and I am telling you the truth. Well, whatever I said in my posts are all true stories. Can’t wait for Family Medicine and Medicine rotations- because I could sleep in more often! (Also, hopefully I would be more studious later on)

I supposed I was your biggest mistake, no?

Good day to you. Wherever you are.

I’m gonna be alright. Time will heal. Time will. I think.

Home and lovin' the heat!

Only after my third day in Malaysia I had finally gone to KLCC. In the car, I screamed excitedly upon seeing the massive twin tower. My brothers looked at me with stoned faces saying they had got tired of it (since they go there almost every weekend).

Yes, the traffic is bad, the weather is scorching hot, but I love KL in everyway there is. The food, the buildings, the trains (though I haven't had the chance to get on one), the traffic, the radio stations, the... Oh, basically everything! On one exception-rude people like breaking the car's window, knocking on people without any concern to apologize. Fashion and trends, yes they follow the western but they should also adapt the manners as well. Baru laa Malaysia Boleh- since we're copycats. I know I am :) Only the good ones of course!

ㅋㅋㅋ
How are you? Long time no see ey?
What? Your second anniversary already?
오아아... It's been two years... :)

Walking with you.

Visited MOSI. Or better known as Museum of Science and Industry.
One of their unique attraction is the Air & Space Hall. It reminded me of your favourite things- planes. Many kinds of them!

I could really imagine you going around the hall fancying the planes and structures. Enjoying every inch of the plane, read every description there is, and if possible you would want to ride on them.
We would spend hours in just a hall. And there are 5 of them! Antiques trains, bicycles and cars would really make your day. I know they did, for mine. Thanks to you in a way.

I haven't given you your birthday present. What would you like? Planes? *smiles*

Serious studying going on.

Less than 24 hours till my final examination begins.

Wish me luck ;)

Also...