Give it a try.

It's Sunday and I spent my afternoon until late evening sleeping. Flu bugs are bugging me these past few days; probably due to the patients I've seen for the past week. I was supposed to go to the hospital yesterday and today but had to cancel it to avoid flu spread.

Anyways, a good friend of mine brought me out for breakfast somewhere in Pengkalan Weld. Love the place so much (because I have been craving to go to nice cafes and just hang out!). They actually had few roads closed just to allow the cyclists to cycle around the area which looked like so much fun to me!

I want to bring you there some time. But... Okay, you can bring her along. :)

PS: 우연처럼 널 만나기 위해 백가지 이유를 만들어. (just practicing my typing in Korean)

kinda odd dont you think so. LOL!

The existence of people on this world has lost its purpose. People are no longer living for the Creator but made themselves as the ‘Creator’ to their desires. I know I am no where being highly religious but at least my consciousness made me realise life is nothing but a stopover. The final destination is the eternal life. Yes, I do believe in life after death which is the final of the final; between heaven and hell.

No doubt even I as a Muslim I am never far from making mistakes and terrible sins. Some I have stopped doing it but some I kept repeating even after knowing it was wrong. Human will never be angels and could never pretend to be angels. Forever repentance and forgiveness is what I seek in the Al-Mighty.

(To be honest, I actually wanted to rant about how some people just cannot keep their hygiene intact. So troublesome to live with. GAHHH!)

So in a way to not say anything bad… let’s just stop here.

a quick one,

It is the end of the second week of the second rotation! The whole week I was at Perak Road Health Clinic, I managed to draw blood from about 10 patients which are a lot for someone like me. My hands would still shake while injecting the needle and holding the syringe but I’m getting there so that’s alright. My partner and I would only spend at least 1 hour in the clinic and then we’re free to go. So normally I’d be in the college’s building and complete my tutorials before attending for lectures.

Did I tell you about this doctor who actually remembered my name? It’s pretty impressive really because doctors don’t normally give a shit about medical students’ names. They wouldn’t be able to remember them all to be honest. But he did and that’s really really cool.

Anyways, I just got back from Ferringhi and am super sleepy at the moment.

PS: I mentioned your name quite frequent today. No idea why…  The strawberry farm at Genting; do you happen to still remember that?

this was on monday.

First day of family medicine- everything was alright so far until someone told me I’ll be with the troublemaker of my group for technically 4 weeks. Well, initially I wanted to take it as a challenge but somehow it doesn’t help because neither of us has a car to go about during the 4 weeks rotation. *Oh, Thank God for that!*

Anyways, someone came for a visit and because of that my day was okay. *smiles* If only I could ask him to come back and I’m sure things will be way way way better. If only. But NO...! She’s gonna be all broken hearted and sad. I should just leave them be. I should learn to walk away. I know I should learn to accept people; open my heart to people who actually sincerely care about me but I have always had this thought … that one day, one fine day he will come back to me in the end. I guess I was wrong. He’s never coming back.

Why then would he still come by? Do you miss me?

I know I do. Every second, every day.

Oh! Let me tell you something that happened in the car coming back from lunch today. My friends and I were in the car talking about where we would continue working after graduating. A friend said she might want to go to Japan and I said I wanted to be in Korea. It definitely gonna be tough whatnot with the language barrier and different culture. Suddenly a girl from my group asked

“Shanaz, which one of your parents is a Korean?”

I burst out laughing like a mad seal. LOL! Apparently someone told her that one of my parents is a Korean. Honestly, how odd can that be??? She told me she’s been looking for the Korean features in me but couldn’t figure it out in the end. Such a good joke seriously. Well, just so you know neither one is a Korean. (Though I wish they are in some ways)

WOW. Some people would actually go to that extend to think such things. That’s very surprising. I wonder what other thoughts people have about me.

I took that as a compliment of course! Which means I need to brush up my Korean. And Japanese. And Mandarin as well as Hokkien. So many things to do in such a short time.

I’m pretty excited for this year though maybe nothing interesting will happen. At least let’s anticipate something worth remembering. Sayonara!

PS: I heard Shinhwa’s coming to Malaysia in May!!!!!!! Probably just rumours.

april 4th.

like two butterflies flying.

like two birds chirping.

like two cats purring.

like two became one.

three years already?

Today marks the end of third week of Surgery rotation. I have another week to go with 20 case write-ups to compile into a portfolio. Tutorials needed to be rewritten nicely in an organized order. Weekend. This weekend is all I have to finish the 3 weeks load of work. How lazy I’ve became ey?

I just arrived home from the airport accompanying a friend to pick up her fiancé who flew all the way from Canada to Penang. Such a sweet chap. Well, he actually applied to do his research in PGH. So it’s kind of a convenient to be near his beloved.

That brought me to a memory I had three years ago. The moment he showed up at the college was just beyond my imagination. I remembered how odd I was at that time. I was trembling and all mushy in the inside, thanks to the farms of butterflies. His face, his touch, his smile, and his scent- I remember them all. But unfortunately, those were memories of the past where now he is no longer to be seen anywhere around me.  

I guess I am really still caught up in the past. I would still be looking forward to the 9^th even though on the day itself I would forget entirely, which I’d normally do. Haha! I know this isn’t fair for either of us. He’s way happier with her than he was with me. I could feel that.  I know I should finally let him go but there’s something inside me that wants to hold on to him no matter what.

Friends have been asking me why I don’t have a boyfriend. First, it’s religiously wrong. Second, I lost him because I’m so stupid. Third, no other guys could treat me the way he did. Forth, the boys I’ve met are all babies. Fifth, I hate commitment-knowing all these boys just want to have someone in their lives or lonely. 

Or just desperate.

A guy confessed to me before and I politely refused to accept the confession. Don’t be deceived by my appearance- I have a really bad personality to be honest. I just get weirder the more you know about me. Pretty? I’m not even in the list! So, what’s there to be with me?

Oh goshhhh. I should be writing my case write-ups but it’s getting late and I need to be at the hospital at 9am. Well, the earliest I have to be in the ward was 6.30am and I am telling you the truth. Well, whatever I said in my posts are all true stories. Can’t wait for Family Medicine and Medicine rotations- because I could sleep in more often! (Also, hopefully I would be more studious later on)

I supposed I was your biggest mistake, no?

Good day to you. Wherever you are.

I’m gonna be alright. Time will heal. Time will. I think.