For the past two hours or so, I’ve been staring at the
cursor, blinking away and waiting for me to actually type something. What shall
I talk about today? Exams? Mom, I might disappoint you again. I’m so sorry I keep
doing this to you over and over again. Honestly, I wish you’re here right now. I
never told you about me but I want you to be here to know what I’m going
through. I’m scared I would end up crying helplessly in front of you but on the
same time I’m just trying to be strong so you won’t see me being weak.
I’ve been up all night; partly so I could make sure my
friends will be up early for their 8am papers and another because a lot of
things have been running in my head. Stupid things I shouldn’t be thinking
about actually. They’re just gonna kill me softly and deeply. I’ll see if I ever
have the courage to tell the world about it. But anyways, I wonder am I such a
worthless person? There must be something wrong with me, isn’t it? I’m seeing
myself now as a pathetic, useless girl stuck in this world full of lies and
sweet promises. Or was it just my eyes chose to see that way? Apparently Life
has been playing games with my mind. Pushing me around like a toy when I’m
clearly just a human being.
Do you really wanna know how strong I could be? Was this the
reason why Life keeps testing me? What should I do to prove that I am strong? Keep
smiling and laugh out loud? Yeah, I have been doing that but that doesn’t mean I
don’t get hurt and feel sad. Life’s pushed me too far now that I’m breaking
apart. I’m already all broken and hurting me to pieces will just be
meaningless. I get tired too. I get tired all the time. Sometimes I too need
someone to listen to me blabbering about my day. Or at least just be there
quietly as I cry. But all they did was just talk, talk, talk, talk, and talk. People
never really care about anyone, do they? Anyways, who am I again to feel angry
about this. See, that’s why I said I’m being pathetic right now.
Mind’s not functioning properly lately. Just ignore whatever
I just said up there. Rubbish piece.
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